They say all art stems from pain, from suffering, from very personal tragedies that shape the artist and make him grow. Mike Shinoda’s first solo album is perhaps a testament to this statement. It charts Mike’s struggle in coming terms with his friend and Linkin Park lead vocalist, Chester Bennington’s untimely demise in 2017. The man with whom he had shared a stage so many times and had brought many of his lyrics to life had just departed. We cannot even begin to imagine the void that must have been left behind or how Mike grappled with the misfortune. We can only observe it in our own sorrow in Chester’s death and how much we miss him. Linkin Park created music that always offered an understanding outlook and a helping hand through troubled times; songs for all moods, and all kinds of issues. Their music was therapeutic for legions of fans, and all of us were affected by Chester’s death terribly. Post-Traumatic gives us scaffolding if not a platform, a canvas to project our grief on. At the same time, it let the entire fanbase feel the solidarity in tragedy to overcome that dark time along with the band-members and Mike. It's a collection of beautifully powerful songs, through which he shared with us, his own struggles with coming terms with the tragedy and his journey from being broken and shocked to become a full-time solo artist, convicted in his path. Even today, it feels just as relevant, and it's one of my favorite albums. Mike recently released his second solo album, Dropped Frames Vol. 1. So, I guess it’s about time I discussed what his first album meant to me, before moving to the new one. The songs have, beyond being explored individually, been interpreted according to the role they play in the grander scheme of things. The main reference used for this is the five main stages of grief – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
It should be noted that these are personal observations and cannot be construed as implying anything about the singer or others involved.
1. Place to Start: The somber tone conveys Mike’s bereavement. This is the voice of a distraught man feeling the impact of the tragedy. He is reeling from the initial shock, and he feels lost, with the ground he was standing on had vanished. His world is coming undone peeps through in his almost apologetic voice as if he was requesting the universe. While looking for a place to start, he is fumbling down the corridors of chaos, trying to find a way to start processing his grief. He is losing himself in the turbulence, losing sight of the tangible, and is getting consumed by a sense of hopelessness. But more importantly, his sense of identity is fading as the things that defined him start to dissolve. The familiarity he was used to taking a back-seat and even his normal daily routine starts feeling distant. He wants a checkpoint to begin processing and possibly start living beyond this, but more than that, to at least find a footing, something to hold on to, for surviving the blow. 'Pointing fingers at villains, but I'm the villain myself' conveys the idea that he feels vaguely responsible for the damage too; it's maybe just his head spinning out of control because of this unexpected tragedy that hit him too hard, without warning and has left him completely devastated. Still, he isn't wallowing somehow, he hasn't lost all sight. his vision has just been blurred, or else he wouldn't be saying that he is looking for a place to start. That's an active role, and it's a hopeful note in his voice.
2. Over Again: Now, we come to the first of the five stages of grief - Denial. The initial shock and overwhelming sense of loss give way to a bitter sense of denial. Some time passes and he expects to have worked his way through the grief, only to find he isn’t any closer to closure than he was to start with. The very chorus is an attempt to not let go. He admits that all he can do is keep saying goodbye, to keep interaction with his friend, which is kind of like not wanting to acknowledge that it's over. That's because though the word is goodbye, the fact is, as long as he can keep saying it, there is a sense of talking with the person who is gone, and a sign of keeping him around, without accepting his loss in all its completeness. Then comes the concert, which on the face of it, may look like an attempt to get closure, but is a tribute to remember him, and to keep holding on to him. 'Cause I think about not doing it the same way as before and it makes me want to puke my f**king guts out on the floor' basically conveys that unwillingness to admit that something has happened that will potentially change this in a major way for him. On top of that, the concert almost cripples him in the middle of certain songs, to the point where he is forced to consider if perhaps his life’s work might be hanging in the balance. Unlike ever before, the stage starts haunting him and he cannot imagine how to handle the concert all by himself. The second stanza of the song, however, is angrier, and it makes one wonder if the singer quickly moved through denial into the next stage. The impending doom has made him lose his temper at the world in general, and he gives us an idea of how he is struggling with having to live with this incident, and he doesn't like being reminded of it. Unable to adjust to the present, he just ends up bidding a tearful farewell to his comrade. But once is never enough to free him from the cycle of grief and he just keeps saying goodbye over and over again. And all this uncertainty, this weariness builds up inside him and makes him lash out against the world.
3. Watching as I Fall: Here we see him completely in the stage of Anger. He feels angry for Chester's untimely demise and for his own inability to look forward and it's primarily directed at the world. He wants to know that everything's not lost, but he keeps being reminded that he isn't fine, and that invites his fury. The truth digs its claws into his psyche and bit by bit, acceptance starts peeking through, albeit in a frustrated rant of ‘Nothing is forever, don’t be mad at the design.” Also, he is behaving erratically, as would be expected, but he can't yet see that it's erratic and the reactions he gets, shouldn't be making him angry, but his head is obviously not where it needs to be. He languishes under the realization that his actions might be inconsistent or that his words might seem redundant, that he might not yet be able to turn this crisis around. He is struggling with the regret of maybe not appreciating what he had while he had it, as he conveys through 'Maybe I should be more grateful that I had to watch it all come undone'. Even a hint of paranoia can possibly be detected in how he feels the whole world is looking to him, waiting on his response. And despite the song representing full-blown anger, its expression is slightly passive-aggressive, that is, the jabs are sarcastic. Though there is no sarcasm in the way he loses his temper while explaining the toll this loss took on him when he says 'I gave until my soul hurt, and never told them so'. Finally, there is a slight nod to the fact that maybe he is willing to listen to reason and is searching for means to bargain his way back to normalcy, as expressed by 'maybe I'm just falling to get somewhere they won't. Caught in a headlong free-fall, he hopes desperately to resolve on the other side. He is rationalizing all this suffering, hoping that it will help him grow as a person. This is a hint at him moving on to the next stage, Bargaining.
4. Nothing Makes Sense Anymore: This is the perspective of a broken person, whose attempts at denial have come crashing down on him, and who has calmed down enough not to feel angry at everything anymore. Since his anger has passed, he now feels the full blow of what happened, and the devastation is very evident in his response to that. From the five stages point of view, this is the slow and painful transition from Anger to Bargaining, and his struggle with seeing the tragedy for what it was, is painfully clear. The grief ravages everything like an inferno and when the fires die down, the man is left to walk the scorched earth, his heart bared to the full force of the sorrow. And it turns his world upside down, inverts his perceptions and beliefs. One of the finest songs on the album, the visual imagery is at the same time surreal and striking. And Mike’s voice evokes a sense of intense pain that has become unbearable. Maybe he realizes that Chester himself, along with what he stood for, had been a haven for him, and his passing took away the very floor that used to hold him and keep him far away from the dark abyss of pain. So, he has lost so much, but the 'waves are still breaking', that is, the world keeps spinning, and that makes him feel terribly lonely. His sanity was tied closely to what he had, and this loss has taken away all sense of self and surroundings from him, with his senses becoming too overwhelmed to process direction or color, and he feels like a cast-away, in a world where nothing makes sense. He used to sleep and dream, in the comfortable and good life he had, but now he can't, because he has nightmares, and again, even as he feels heartbroken, and lost, he is alone, because no one else seems to have had 'the black spilled out across it all' for them. He had a goal, or a 'dream', and he was 'a moment away from done', that is, he was close to seeing it being realized, when the tragedy struck, and that's broken him down all the more, and caused him to feel closed in and isolated. The “dream I made from painted walls” is possibly a safety net that he constructed to keep out the pain, a Utopian fantasy crafted to keep himself tethered to life. The incidents make him feel isolated or perhaps he wishes to isolate himself completely, let go of all worldly commitments as hinted in “I am a call without an answer/ I am a shadow in the dark”. It could also be the indifferent universe that has refused to oblige him with an answer. Still, the bridge ushers in Bargaining, because, as he says, 'trying to put it back together, as I watch it fall apart'. He feels like a ghost of his former self, and yet, 'no one's there to answer' him. So, all he wishes is for things to go back to the way they were, which is the central idea behind Bargaining.
5. About You: This is Bargaining in its purest form. He is trying desperately to put things back where they came from, forcing himself to behave like what has happened doesn't have any direct consequences on his world and his life, and he can also feel that it’s not working and the tragedy keeps haunting him. He is attempting very hard, to not feel fazed, and keep continuing as he used to be, but it’s backfiring because 'every meaning changes shape'. Basically, such an event has to have repercussions but he wants to know that normalcy is achievable, so he is bargaining with all his pieces, even willing to sing despite feeling like not doing so if that gives him some sense of a status quo. That line, 'maybe I should make an exit while there are still ways to get away', could be hinting that he realizes that changes have to happen and no matter how much he bargains, his life can't go back to exactly how it used to be. In the bridge, he even mentions that his endeavor is just a 'quick broken remedy'. Plus, he has a message to convey, but is unsure how to, so he forcefully puts on an attitude, with a smile, but this bargain also isn't effective because no matter what, it's always 'about you', and nothing can change that. Grief is difficult to outrun, and we often find ourselves reminded of the person who or whose loss caused it again and again. More importantly, when that person was loved and adored by so many and cast a large shadow, the world keeps reminding us of what we have lost. Everything we do to start anew is somehow linked back to the one person whose memories we are trying to outrun. It is perhaps well-intended, but it can be suffocating for the person trying to move on. And when the world looks to you to ease their pain over the very loss which is now crippling you, exhaustion settles in and your words catch in your throat. Perhaps a similar situation makes Mike consider if he should quit while he is still ahead since he has nothing left to say.
6. Brooding: This instrumental represents grief processing beautifully. There is a pensive mood, a somber atmosphere, but the powerful beats playing in the foreground convey a call for action, and represents our response to try and power through the grief after wallowing. There are regular shrieks in the background that may stand as a symbol for the pain, and the struggle of facing something like this. Plus, the percussion, apart from conveying the call to action, also adds the overwhelming sense of impending doom that one feels in the relevant frame of mind. This piece of music is very powerful in helping one channel positivity while experiencing the devastation.
7. Promises I Can't Keep: Now we see him accepting that Bargaining isn't the way to go. He tells us that he has tried to not let things change, he made promises, and tried to make it better, or rather fix things, but it didn't work out. As the days wear on, the hope that he will be able to restore the status quo, that things can go back to the way they slowly faded away. Self-doubts and guilt claw at him, as he comes to terms with the reality that this might indeed be a promise he cannot keep. He also faces an existential crisis, because no matter how much he bargained to restore things, 'reality was getting in the way'. His idea of himself and the life he wanted, were all his past, and he wants to bring it back, but the change will be heralded by such a tragic incident. So, that means, he will have to accept that the situations will be uncertain, and out of his control, which is a scary prospect as expressed through 'I've got no worse enemy than the fear of what's still unknown'. He vilifies himself for it in his mind, feels guilty, and ponders how easily his identity came unglued. But now there is a faint trace of surrender in his voice, a resignation from this internal strife. There is a certain loss of control as he concedes that perhaps recovery was never meant to be. Still, he can't keep denying that it has to happen and he finally is willing to accept that he will have to break the promise of repairing all the damage. He can of course, completely heal, but restoration cannot be feasible given the magnitude of the loss he has incurred. 'I tried to make it better but I made it more sick' is his way of saying that he is done with Bargaining and is willing to face the issue head-on, without any shields anymore, because he finally realizes that the only way ahead is through.
8. Crossing A Line: In this song, Mike’s voice exudes more certainty and resolve. The grief is still there but he has realized he can no longer ward it off by believing that things will go back to the way they were. And now he wants to communicate that understanding to all the people waiting on his reply. "I've found what I have been waiting for', does seem to refer to his realization that he must be open-minded about letting his past life go and creating a new life, which is what he refers to as 'crossing a line'. But he realizes that others may want to cling on to the old version of reality, and that's why he says 'you're not gonna like where this goes'. It is a hard decision and he knows many will be heartbroken and disappointed, but he knows it’s the only way forward. It could be said that this song gives some hints of Mike’s desire to make a place and new identity as a performer outside of Linkin Park. He understands that the fans have a right to be angry and feel betrayed. Plus, he has already said that there will be promises he can't keep and that will naturally bring in allegations that he doesn't care, which is what he opens the song with. Also, he has to take away the comfort that the old times stood for, the one which 'you're holding too tight to', and he doesn’t want his decisions to be misconstrued as loss of faith or lack of love. No, it is not a goodbye; all that he has done as a part of LP is here to stay. But he is no longer going to delude himself into holding onto it. Mind you, the step he is taking is a positive one, and that's why he should take it, which he himself says as 'no, I don't have the answers, but I do have the faith'. But, given how it could mess with others, he feels like he is wronging them, which is why the tone of the song is mildly apologetic. The demons he refers to here are the ones who won't allow him to continue with the comfortable denial, and so, he has to take this step which might perturb others, which prompts him to clarify that 'I'm not going away'. He is worried it's not okay to suddenly force such drastic and radical adjustments but he has come to terms with needing to make them himself, and that's the message of this song. Mike elaborated in an interview with Trevor Noah on The Daily Show that ‘Crossing a Line’ serves as a half-point to the album, before which he had been looking backward and after which he found the hope to at least strive forward.
9. Hold It Together: Here he shares his struggle with the fourth stage of grief, Depression. But, this isn't the story of wallowing. He is a very positive person, who, even if he breaks down, knows there is always something to be done, which he wills himself to do. He says 'that be patient, that we're gonna make it', which tells us that even though he feels lost, he isn't giving up. However, he isn't exactly sure what to do and he is experimenting with coping mechanisms, to try and get through each day. He is now feeling the complete crippling blow and he is barely keeping it together. This song sees him in the thick of the struggle, facing the depression and grief head-on. His sleep is reduced to two or three hours a day and getting through the week becomes an uphill climb. But he is patient; he grits his teeth and trudges through it. At times he feels like falling apart held together only by his faith and convictions. He feels lost, with time racing on, no matter how much rest he needs, and he forces himself to put on a smile and act like he is doing fine because he can't confront being disoriented. And as expected, sympathy makes him realize he is loved and he feels grateful, but it blows up in his face sometimes. So, he becomes awkward whenever confronted with it, and doesn't know what to do. Still, he knows he will survive, and for now, all he needs to do is fight through wallowing in depression as he comes to terms with what has happened.
10. Ghosts: Nothing I can say will suffice. Every single song in this album is poignant, powerful, and profound, but Ghosts is by far the deepest. Like each other song, it can also be interpreted in many ways, some completely different, even outside the five stages perspective, but this one stands out particularly because unlike the others, this song is insanely abstract, objectively impersonal, and yet intimately personal. As you will notice, there are no anecdotes, or many real-world references even and it's just a metaphorical expression of the complex emotions that he went through, written in such an incredibly open style that this song pertains to each person, as it is abstract to be completely interpreted in your own way, without invalidating a single line. Some of the other songs are personally more relatable because he has drawn on real-life experiences and feelings, categorically mentioning them, thus helping to recognize similarities with the listener, but this one is closer to my heart because of how he portrays these feelings without direct tangible imagery, yet personal enough that it leaves a deep impact. Plus, it features a remarkably good representation of the idea of ghosts - the past that forever haunts us. Going through changes, growing up, coming to terms with pain and loss, moving ahead from a glorious past, looking past the troubling memories, and of course, dealing with nightmares - Mike may just have covered all of them but in a very detached yet personalized way. 'When the lights go down, is there something in the air, there but never there?' beautifully depicts how our closing out of the history sometimes breaks down when we feel low, and then all the phantoms of that troubled time come out to wreak havoc on our defenseless mind. Still, we can't forget just like that, because the tormenting memories are tightly linked with the ecstatic ones, so we go about it 'holding every memory close'. Anyway, if this is to be interpreted in the five stages of grief scenario, I would say that he is trying to accept that his past is in the past and so he is struggling to come to terms with Chester's death, and he is haunted by the fact that all that they had can never be revived, which he conveys through 'I can't bring back how it used to be'.
11. Make It Up As I Go: This elaborates on the fight against depression, exploring the possibility of relapse too. We follow him into the darkest chapter of his grief, spiraling slowly into the labyrinths of loss. His best efforts fall short as the depression takes its toll and bites deep. His patience runs thin and he loses faith now and then. The path he thought he knew narrows into a thin strip and the darkness looms below a vast endless chasm of guilt and self-loathing. He is actively working now, to stop wallowing, but with that, comes the realization that it's a very fragile state and he can drop into the wallowing stage any moment. The burden weighs heavy on him, he gives in, makes bad decisions and they haunt him in the morning like a bad hangover. The illusion of comfort that the past had kept calling to him and he keeps running back again and again. When he says 'Washing off the bad decisions, the blurry visions, the clues that I'm still a mess', we know he is proactively doing something about his predicament, but then he mentions 'the darkness down below', and that I think is how he refers to relapse. He doesn't realize it's always there, but if he lets his guard down, he will fall right into it, so he just takes leaps of faith and that's a very good metaphor to describe the process of struggling against relapse. He is unsure how he can get over this, and on top of that, he keeps losing conviction, because he is separated from the abyss by a delicate wall that threatens to break anytime. This makes things very difficult for him, because no matter how much he tries to look for working solutions, 'I thought I knew the way', he has to resort to improvising every step of the way, which is why the words 'I make it up as I go'. Despite it all, he knows that this too shall pass, that he will emerge no matter what. One notable contrast from previous tracks is how he is in control finally, and he is unwilling to let his predicament dictate his actions. 'didn't wanna wait while nobody came' when contrasted with 'now as I awaken, no one's left to answer me' from Nothing Makes Sense Anymore, helps highlight his awakening, and explains how he is done playing a character and is taking control of the narrative. His existential crisis is still there, but like he says 'I could be hopeless, instead I gritted my teeth', and even though he still has trouble with sleep and reality, he is battling, and that too, convinced that he is on the winning side. And to that end, he keeps striving onward, moment to moment, day to day, faking it till he makes it.
12. Lift Off: Now we come to a very crucial step in the journey. A sense of weightlessness pervades this entry in the album as if the listener has finally broken free of all their shackles. “Away from the truth/ away from the night” paints the picture of a man, weary from the battle stopping to rest and shutting out the whole world. This song is like a moment in the warm glow of the stars after a deluge in the cold emptiness of space. The song can be interpreted to convey the message that he was going to let go of the past and start a solo operation. I mean, it doesn't seem too far-fetched that he might have insinuated just that by saying 'I'll ride alone'. And then immediately afterward Mike’s verse infuses new life into it. His battery recharged, he makes it clear that he is here to stay and he has finally found his groove. A glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel fills him with exhilaration, a renewed vigor to grapple with his grief. He is not going to be stuck in the valley; he is going to reach for the sky. There is a remarkable tonal shift in this song from the rest of the album, and we see a very confident Mike, full of self-belief, emerging from his shell, a new man, back to reclaim his throne. He has finally found a way to battle his depression, and a means to embrace the changes rather than fight them. This vision of Mike is powerful and refreshing, and I love seeing him like this, completely transformed, and full of faith that he has figured it out, and all that lies ahead is to win the battle, which he feels optimistic about. He is also exuding intoxicating energy which would fill any listener with an enthusiasm to not lose hope like him, and keep going no matter what, to one day be able to say 'imagine me quitting, what a travesty that'd be'.
13. I.O.U: The fighting spirit fills to its maximum in this next song. Peppered with pop culture and political references, this energetic ballad sees Mike reclaiming his voice and his place on the stage as he starts working on something new. In contrast to being robbed of his sleep by anxiety, he is now spending sleepless nights shaping the future. He is filled with hope and starts inching his way out of depression and grief. Here we get to see him peeking post deciding to go solo. The confidence he expresses is invigorating and almost addicting. He is insanely powered up here. He is finally getting to put up a fair fight against his rivals, shearing of their advantage in the form of the tragedy and his struggle. He sarcastically roasts his critics and opponents, by saying he owes them something. Mike puts his critics in their place with the lines:” Put a chain around everything I came for/Look but don't touch, sucker”. But, the song isn't all about being savage and recreating his lost reputation by taking back the throne that had been usurped. We also see him recognizing his fans and telling them to take an I.O.U too. He even recognizes the fans who were there through the entire journey and are also rejuvenated like him - 'used to be the quiet kid in the sandbox, now it's 'Hands up' every time that your man rocks'. At the same time, he is aware that he owes a great debt to both his well-wishers and the naysayers and gently reminds them to take an ‘I.O.U’. But that being said they do not have any claim on him or the right to dictate his decisions and actions. This song is also more enjoyable because of the lyricism which is really awesome, full of references, and particularly powerful insults, along with a few instances of wordplay. Additionally, the song features a ‘Fort Minor’ reference, stressing on Mike’s inherent individuality.
‘Lift Off’ and ‘I.O.U’ were both planned as part of a ‘Fort Minor’ album early in 2017 before Chester passed away. Later, however, Mike found that they completely belonged in his emotional journey and “perfectly rounded out the Post-Traumatic album”.
14. Running From My Shadow: This song deals with the immediate resistance that a radical move always faces, from outside and inside. There is a tug-of-war going on in his mind, a turmoil, to make peace finally. His decision to go solo, implied leaving behind his past, and he feels it haunting him, and him wanting it, and this is an obstacle to him reaching the final stage of Acceptance. The road to recovery is a rocky terrain and there is always a chance of relapse. The ‘Yin-Yang’ paints this mental image of how the day always flows into the night and darkness collides with light. And just like that, his vigor and enthusiasm get curbed once more as he starts falling back into his old patterns of behavior. The elephant in the room becomes too obvious to ignore and he ends up chasing his tail again and again. He also seems to be in a dilemma whether his decision was even the right one, or whether he did it simply to outrun his past. The first stanza sums up his struggle with the tragedy, and it culminates in his decision to just branch off, when he says, 'so I say 'can I live now?' ' But, he recognizes that it all feels like a front as he feels kind of lost anyway. He seems to have escaped, but he keeps circling around, and he wants to stop pretending because it's clear to him that he isn't fooling anyone with this attitude. Besides, his recurring struggle makes him question his actions and the motives behind them, because he feels convinced that he can 'never win the battle', and he can feel the sense of impending doom is still looming over him. He sounds exhausted and even unconvinced about his choice, despite the roaring tone in I.O.U, even saying 'and none of it's illuminating why I do it'. It's hard to see him brought down to his knees after such a triumphant comeback. He himself feels that there probably is no end, as he says, 'I keep on following the wrong way' because he feels afraid that maybe his past is such a big part of him that the future cannot be well-founded if he makes a big change, which is why he says 'I'm going back around again'. Still, these doubts do seem momentary as he also says that he keeps running from his shadow no matter what, which can imply that he might be chased by it, and question himself, but he somehow has a feeling that he has to do this, no matter what. The bridge is very intriguing and it insinuates that he feels he still owes his past a chance and is sorry about letting it go. It used to be a welcome time for him, which is why he says 'running from my shadow, now my shadow is my only friend.' This song poignantly portrays the paradox of the tragedy defining the man for so long, that it becomes a part of his identity. “Dancing with the devil ‘cause she’s all I’ve ever known” shows how the grief traps him with the ruse of familiarity. Consequently, he is left in a state of limbo, somewhere midway between sick and well, sorrow and sobriety. The shadow catches up in the end, exhausts him once again, cuts him off from the world, and becomes his only friend. The line that he thinks he had crossed already suddenly looms up ahead. Eventually, however, it does feel like he has chosen this path and intends to see it through, all the way to acceptance and beyond, to finally, healthily move on, even though he has basically lost the conviction.
15. World's On Fire: Gratitude is one of the most beautiful emotions, and Mike has written a brilliant set of lyrics to express it. The closest thing to a love song that Mike has ever written, this is a thank you note dedicated to his family and friends, all those who stood by him through his grief and will continue to do so in the future. Having come so far, he now takes a moment to thank all those who made it possible, and he expresses it in such a sentimental manner that is overflowing with emotion. He specifically mentions that the year was unfairly tough, and he needs it to just be over, because everything spun out of control, and he needs to find himself in an officially new space if he is to feel comfortable or at least fine. He was completely devastated by what happened to him, but he had the support and he wants to acknowledge that. 'Closing my eyes I know, when the world's on fire, all I need is you' conveys the message that he did recognize the help he received and he feels thankful for having received it. He is here because of it, or else he would have run away or been genuinely lost. The modern world can often overwhelm us with social media feeds filled to the brim with hate, hysteria, and cause us to lose faith. This is envisioned in the lyrics as ‘ It all fell apart/don’t know where to start/Everything moves so slow/I can't get a break /it's too much to take’. The tragedy and the world, in general, have drained him completely and he can barely go on. But on closing his eyes, he can clearly see the only things that give him comfort and keep him going: the warm embrace of his loved ones. The security he feels in their arms is priceless. When the smoke fills the skies and disaster is imminent, these are the only people whose reassurance he needs. This song is for all those who come home after a hard day, month, or even year and collapse on the sofa or bed, trying to shut out the whole world. And then a familiar hand or voice eases their worries and comforts them and makes them feel safe and at home. All these people may or may not always make a show of how thankful they feel for these little moments of certainty in an anxiety-inducing world. But just because they don’t stress it doesn’t mean they don’t feel the need for it or that it isn’t true. So this song allows them all to express their gratitude towards their care-givers. The line, 'I don't always think to say it, but it's true' expresses this. Everyone universally feels gratitude, but quite a few people find it difficult to express or are generally less expressive by nature, and this makes them seem ungrateful, but that's why this line is so powerful - it clarifies this. However, the fact that he is saying it, is a call to sometimes acknowledge the effort others make, because it's the least we can do in return.
16. Can't Hear You Now: Finally, he has reached the final stage of grief, Acceptance! His take is empowering, to put it in one word. He has won the battle and the triumph can be heard clearly. He is no longer chained down by his thoughts and soars free, far away from the tragedy. His grief had caused him to introspect himself, often cued by external remarks. And now he accepts all of those too. He reconciles himself with the fact that he might be considered selfish for moving on. He admits that for a time he felt conflicted between what he felt and what he thought he should feel. But now he sees clearly what he must do. Whether it's 'I was on that bullshit then, now I'm done with that', or it's 'Woke up knowing I don't have to be numb again', he is celebrating his victory, and it's a beautiful sight to behold. And he is totally back in control, unwilling to let anyone else dictate his moves. Plus, he has finally found faith in himself. He has come out from hibernation, a winner, and is full of positive energy, ready to finally embrace the stage and play his new role. Like he himself says, 'I'm feeling f**king fantastic'. Just how much health a mental space he is in, can be seen from his acknowledgment of the fact that he is still in a fragile state of mind that could break down quickly enough. The bandages are not yet off though, he still has bad days and rough patches when the grief weighs heavy on him. But he is taking it in his stride and moving on. He doesn't let himself get overwhelmed by that, and says 'I let you have your last words'. This personification of his trauma helps understand the struggle better and we can perceive just how much of a war he fought and won. And having followed the whole journey, even if you weren't able to relate at all, or weren't in similar situations, you feel like rejoicing whenever the chorus rings in the line 'you can call till your voice is running out, but I can't hear you now'. He has regained his faith so that he can say that he is finally out of reach of his harmful thoughts. They can call at the top of their voice, but he is already a million miles away. Instead, the ecstasy fills him that he doesn’t have to be numb again; that he can sleep peacefully and that he can walk without having to look behind his back, ready to run all the time. His power is intoxicating, and I feel so overjoyed every time I hear this song.
17. Prove You Wrong: Now we come to a more deliberate expression of the triumph, a comparatively calmer one. This is basically the ultimate culmination of all his efforts and he is finally in the healthy place where he can say 'even if I could turn back time, there are things out of our hands'. He has eventually accepted all that happened and is comfortably ceding control. He is also accepting that he could just go back to that ruined condition again. These are signs of true acceptance, and it's fulfilling to hear him say it. Plus, he admits that he has just accepted and found a footing, but climbing to the summit will take time, like he says, 'looking for the go where the ready set is'. You can feel he has become overwhelmed by his own overworking response, as he has conveyed through 'I'm just trying to breathe, let me get a breath in'. Also, he has become accepting of isolation and embraces it, and he has found this self-esteem that helps him go on, as he says, 'you can't all follow where I plan to go'. He does say 'All I want is faith in the path I chose, all I'm getting back is an I don't know', but it seems to refer to himself more than outsiders and seems to talk about his own reservations. But he is unapologetically embracing his progress and is unwilling to let himself be abused any more by his querying mind. 'Standing in the flames as the fire grows' is the epitome of determination, and this indomitable spirit is what makes this song my favorite because it's so wonderful to see his power through all the wreckage and finally find this will to strive that cannot be struck down. It's simply incredible and I feel ecstatic whenever I listen to it.
18. What The Words Meant: Finally, having properly moved on to a safe and healthy space, he confronts the issue, to find closure. This song is a beautiful ode to Chester Bennington and Linkin Park's music. Their songs are like therapy for those who know what they talk about and it's an overwhelming feeling, to finally realize what they stood for. So, it's through this song that Mike addresses the fact that he hadn't really understood what the songs had been about till he himself experienced something similar, and now that he appreciated them even more, he felt all the more regretful that there would be no more. This is like the ultimate interaction before finally closing the chapter, and going about life beyond him. This bonus track song perfectly wraps up the album, providing some after-thought and commentary on its nature as well as the nature of all music that we enjoy. We often enjoy a song, play it on loop, learn each word, and pause by heart and think we understand what the artist was trying to convey. It fits our situation so well that we think it was written for us. It becomes our song and we take some strange sort of ownership in it. But words are strange instruments. Never sufficient to place us in the footsteps of another human being, they can mask the terrible truth in layers of comforting lies. Mike pens a situation where he comes to know what the artist really meant and his illusion shatters. The realization gobbles him up that he had completely misinterpreted how much pain and suffering was truly hidden underneath the lyrics, something that could be understood only by someone who had “been there”. The final verse is even more heartbreaking as he himself becomes privy to a tragedy that finally gives him the perspective to feel the full force of the words. He is left wishing that the words had not been meant for him. This leaves us to wonder if perhaps Mike regrets never having been able to understand the pain in his dear friend Chester’s voice. At the same time, we wonder that as the listener, can we truly feel Mike’s pain through his words. We realize that we can never begin to try. Our entire interpretation of the song stems from us projecting our own sorrows onto the words. So this song is a perfect conclusion to this album that serves as a journal into Mike’s mind. So, the song has complex layers, but the central idea is that he had misinterpreted Chester and feels remorseful for never really understanding. He also congratulates and thanks to his best friend, one last time, by saying that the songs were 'foreign and angry and brilliant'. This is a very different confrontation from the usual angry response that one immediately has, and the growth is evident here. So, Mike basically says goodbye by letting him know that he now knows what Chester had meant and that he will use his time to make him proud and to celebrate his life.
So, Post Traumatic was a powerful journey of grief processing that helps to gain perspective and also hits home beautifully. With every song, we see a new angle, and overall, the album is simply brilliant. Still, this must be mentioned that art is genuinely open to interpretation and this interpretation may be a gross misreading of what Mike had intended. We can never know what someone has gone through, just by hearing tales of it, or listening to them actively or passively relate the experiences. All we can do is and be empathetic towards people, and support them, while understanding in our own way what the journey may have been like, realizing all the time that it’s just an interpretation and not the real incident or an exact re-enactment of the experience. Still, there are many people unfortunate enough to have to go through the journey Mike has chronicled here, so this album may just be more generic, but one has to consider that there is no guarantee that everyone going through the same tragedy will mirror the same emotions, and this distinction is important to make. Relating and replacing are different and the latter usually has only harmful effects. We shouldn’t go beyond the point of creating a narrative as similar or familiar, even if the experience is exactly the same, simply because no two minds are completely alike and the differences shouldn’t be masked by forcefully sticking to feel that a particular person says they felt when going through the situation.
We should also bear in mind that while the songs do deal with his struggles, they are layered and interspersed with anecdotes that make them universal. As Mike himself said: “Yeah. Well, the reality of the record and of going through something like this is that, most of us know, it's messy and the references are going to blend into one another, and even I listen to it and I go, "Oh, yeah. I was definitely thinking about A, but subconsciously there's a little bit of B in there." in an interview with iHeartRadio in 2018.
If you have been affected by any of the topics discussed in this article, help and resources can be found at Buddy Project.
Authors: Bikirna Roy and Atreyo Palit (The Geek Armada)
Comments